The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
