omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
