Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
