Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
