i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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