Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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