We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
