Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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