I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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