And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
