I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
