Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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