if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
