bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
