A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
