Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize