the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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