Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize