It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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