why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we're making bets on your personal life
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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