You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
