Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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