yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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