I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so let's talk penis.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
