Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
