only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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