cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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