went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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