my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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