i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
