I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We had sex on a dog bed..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
