Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
