The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
