hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Welp...herpes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
