I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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