Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
