sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
