Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
