Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we made out on top of his cat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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