i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
