The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
