Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
