drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
