Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
