Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
