I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
