Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
