Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
