what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
