You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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