just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
