you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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