we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
