Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
