I'm so fucking centered right now
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
