you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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