JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
