dude i'm inner monologue high
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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