Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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