Apparently you make a good broom.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I will be naked everywhere
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
