you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
