I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
