she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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