I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
