her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
