dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
