Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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