Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
