curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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