speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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