ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
