I cannot find my penis.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have aggressive nipples.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
